Oh

And a redirect would probably make sense too.

Tumblr is kind of where it's at, at the moment...

sunnilydisposed.tumblr.com

xxx

Four Months Later

It seems tumblr has lured me in with its less pressuring blogging atmosphere, and all the relatable quotes and pictures LOL.

But I feel bad for neglecting the old blogspot.
So here I am...
"So let us go out to him, outside the camp, and bear the disgrace he bore. For this world is not our permanent home, we are a looking forward to a home yet to come."

Hebrews 13:13-14

Read these verses this morning during my devotion, and they hit me so hard. Earth is not my home - I’m not supposed to fit in, there will undoubtedly be moments when I feel like I don’t want to be here anymore, like I don’t belong, like I shouldn’t be here.

Last night, it was my good friend’s birthday, and she was going to a club to celebrate. I told her (last minute) that I couldn’t come because I felt convicted. I didn’t want to be in that sort of atmosphere. I wasn’t planning on drinking or dancing, but I knew by just being there, I’d feel uncomfortable. Not that it was somewhere too dark for my light to shine, but that I honestly don’t believe it would have been fruitful. I knew that I had to stick to my conviction.

I was almost swayed when she replied to my text and told me that she’d been let down by a lot of her good friends. One of the worst feelings in the world, for me, is to let a friend down. I had a minute where I was almost swayed, my desire to please man reared its head and I tried to persuade myself that if I went, I could be a witness, and it would be the loving thing to do for my friend. But I was not convinced. And surely, to let God down, should be the worst feeling. I was a little down, but comforted by my mister and my homegirl. And then, to God be the glory, I woke up this morning and was greatly encouraged by these scriptures.

We are called to go outside the camp. Out to Jesus. For the camp is not our home.

Hush, child

It's been an unacceptable length of time since I last posted.
Over a month in fact. Sincerest apologies. I've been busy living life.
Well, that's no excuse, I'm always living life.
This past (just over a) month has been wonderful. There have actually been three blogs that I meant to post, but I never got round to. And I think I'll wait a little while longer to post them, if I ever do.

For now, here's what you might label a pick-me-up...

One of my favourite scriptures Zephaniah 3:17 hit me with a visual today.

The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.

I love this scripture, and I generally focus on the last line.
The idea of God, the Almighty, Creator of the whole, entire universe rejoicing over little old me in singing is one of the most beautiful, comforting and humbling images.

But today, the penultimate line came alive for me.
'He will quiet you with His love'
I said it to myself a couple of times...He will quiet me with His love, He will quiet me with His love.
I wasn't sure for a second how to make sense of it, and then the visual.
I saw myself running around frantically, trying to make decisions, going from this career to that career, one thing to another thing, tiring myself out, rushing around, worrying, asking God to give me answers and then He just scooped me up in His arms and held me close, and literally quietened me, shut me up with His loving embrace. All the fears and worries I had were quakingly rendered null and void in the face of His unconditional, unfailing, neverending, amazing love.

In an earthly scenario, I imagined it like your closest friend not saying a word while you're ranting and raving about a situation, getting yourself worked up and angry, instead they just give you a hug so warm and loving, the hug of someone who truly knows you, a hug that calms you right down. Or a mother who gives her child a final, calming squeeze of reassurance, comfort and love, before saying goodbye as he enters a classroom doorway for the first time.

The Lord, who knows all, and has only plans of good for His children says 'Hush, child, I love you and I've got this, I know exactly what I'm doing.'

So yeah, I hope this is as much a comfort for you, as it was for me :)

Peace&Love

Home, Sweet, Home

Finished reading The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller a few weeks ago.
Sheeessss. That book was a LOT.

It was basically a break down of the parable of the prodigal son, which Keller believes should be called the prodigal sons. He mentions the lostness of the younger brother, then his gracious welcome back to the family by his father, the blatant message of the parable. But then he goes into detail about the lostness of the elder brother, an issue which is sometimes mentioned, usually glossed over though. This parable has been used as a way of showing the people in this world who are deep in sin, that there is always a way for them to come back home because of grace and God would be delighted to welcome them there, holding a feast and killing the fatted calf. What is missed out though, is the fact that the elder brother does not go to the party, he does not make it to heaven, or rather we do not know if he does. And the reason for this is not because of his outright disregard for laws, his disobedience, his disrespect, disloyalty to his father. No, it's almost because he is too good. This son represents the Pharisees, of whom there are many in the modern day. For them, it is their "goodness", their "unmarked slate" that stops them from entering the Kingdom of heaven. They are self-righteous and they become their own saviour. They are living a lie. There is a danger that, because they are so self-reliant and proud of themselves for being impeccable in a moral, legalistic sense, they will feel like God owes them something and will judge others who get what seems undeserved. When it actual fact, any blessing anyone receives, grace and salvation themselves, are undeserved. 'Why didn't I get that promotion? I've been to church every Sunday since I was born, been praying since I could talk and I always give to the poor. So and so got a pay rise at work and I didn't see him with his hands up at church on Sunday, he didn't even get there on time! He's not a true worshipper like me.'

Ohmygosh yeah. You get the point. Didn't mean to digress there lol.

What stuck out for me however, as Keller went on to write about other things, the human condition of Sehnsucht - a German word which has no direct English translation, but it portrays profound homesickness or longing, but with transcendent overtones.

He quotes C.S. Lewis,

"Our life-long nostalgia, our longing to be reunited with something in the universe from which we feel cut off, to be on the inside of some door which we have always seen from the outside, is no mere neurotic fancy, but the truest index of our real situation.'

These thoughts inspired the following poem;

Home

They say home is where the heart is,
I say home is where my Father is
That's why I'll never have a complete sense of getting there
Because there isn't here,
On this messed up version of Earth
But we'll be there soon
A home where tears are but a myth and suffering does not exist
Where there's no more hunger, just feasts
Where there's no more 'just war', just peace
Where the sun doesn't shine because His glory is sufficient
And He'll be standing right before us, no visions
Life as He had meant it to be
We were created for His glory,
Worship will never cease
and with ease we'll give Him all that He deserves
We'll be breathing perfection,
everything as it should be
It'll all make sense suddenly
and we'll fully realise the complete wonder of our Lord, His majesty
God gave us the gift of life and we were made for such a time as this
Right now, we see but, glimpses of heaven and beautiful as they are,
home won't feel like home until the gates are opened and like oil we pour in
It'll be like a child in a sweet shop or an art-collected entering a gallery of his favourite works
But we are the favourite works,
We're the grand design, glistening like a teardrop in Daddy's eyes
For now we'll live our lives in eager anticipation
for the moment when the world is put right
and we make it Home

<3

Sarah with a Camera...

So, this weekend has been super duuuper interesting to say the least. It's been super fun too.

I've brought the wonder that is the bicycle back into my life and I've made a vow to myself that I will cycle for at least a half hour each day. It's been two days and I'm already feelin it. Thighs are on fire! Feel the burn and that. Yeah.

It was another beautiful day yesterday, my body clock woke me at 6am, so I just decided to make the most of the day. Ran some errands and then set off to follow the woodland trail in my local park on bike. Armed with my camera and iPod, I set off and had the best time.

At one point, while I was riding down the lane, hair blowing in the breeze and floral dress billowing, CBR's Butterfly came on, and then a butterfly flew past my face! Oh, it was magical. I felt like I was in a music vid for the song. Ha. Sincerely gassed.

Anyway, here are some of the pictures I took...












Love.

Confessions

This blog is titled Confessions of an Anomalous Black Girl, so it only makes sense that I make some confessions...

1. When I see Tick R on BBM and have received no reply, I get kinda ticked off, but I never say anything because I think it'll make me come across as anal. And it kind of is anal. (I don't like the word anal but I can't think of a synonym)

2. I could count on one hand (and probs a few on the other too) the people with whom I truly enjoy spending real life time and with whom I am truly myself.

3. I think in tweets. When something happens, in my mind it automatically forms into a 140 or less character sentence. 'My name is Sarah, and I'm a tweetaholic.'

4. There was one period of time in my life when I super badly wanted to be in with the popular kids. I invited like the Queen Bee for a sleepover at mine, and she came. It was the best day of my life. I was in year 6.*

5. On occasion, I still take mirror pics.

6. I don't bite my nails and never have, but in an awkward situation it suddenly becomes 'a really bad habit that I'm trying to break.'

7. If I was to ever get plastic surgery, I'd get lipo and smaller feet. Maybe I'd just get rid of my feet altogether and get whatever new replacement for feet they come up with in the future. God forbid. Haha.

8. If I was to ever get a tattoo, I think I'd get LOVE on the inside of my left wrist. In reality, I'll probably just carry on self-inking. I like the fact that I can have different fonts depending on my mood and that it comes off when I want it too.

9a. I get annoyed with girls who have really nicely done, could-actually-be-their-own-hair weaves.
b. I get annoyed with (some) girls who have weave and refer to it as 'my hair'. We all know that you bought it so it is yours, but we all also know that you know that some people will believe it's your real hair, and that's secretly what you want.
c. I get annoyed with people who think that my hair is a weave. Or that I have tracks.**

10. I trust too easily and give people the benefit of the doubt too often. Not sure whether that's good or bad.

11. I let people get away with hurting me because I don't like conflict, and I don't think they'll value my feelings anyway. Or that they'll have a valid reason/point, and I'll just look like a mug.

12. Getting chirpsed used to make me feel good cos I thought it meant I was a certified hottie. Thank God I know now that the requirements for getting chirpsed on the good old streets of London are merely that you are a walking, talking female.

13. I care about what people think of me.

14. My laugh is not fake or exaggerated. It really is that loud. And I quite like it. Slash sometimes I wish it was a bit more...girlie, cute.

15. I can't cut in straight lines. It's something I've struggled with my whole life and it's been really difficult.

*My friends and I had divided the year into various different categories. We were the Cool Kids, there were the Weirdos, one I don't remember and thenn the Popular Kids. We decided though, that the popular kids weren't actually popular because no-one wanted to be their friends. Secretly, it was us who were most popular. Ha. I laugh on my own lapel.

**Yes, I am aware that something's not right about all of that. It's super bitchy of me. I really want to not have a problem with weave. I'm in prayer on it. Join me in said prayer, please. Ultra serious.

Well, 15 is a nice round number and I'm super tired so let's call it a day.
This was fun. I might do it again in like a month.

Love.

My God, the artist.

"The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they reveal knowledge.
They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.
Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun.
It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.
It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other; nothing is deprived of its warmth.

The law of the LORD is perfect,
refreshing the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.
The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever.
The decrees of the LORD are firm,
and all of them are righteous.

They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the honeycomb.
By them your servant is warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.
But who can discern their own errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.
Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then I will be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.

May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."

Psalms 19

This morning, having slept at 4am, I woke at 6.30am, because for some reason, I desperately wanted to see the sun rise. Ha, I'm truly a romantic.

Bleary-eyed, I took my iPod, put on Tye Tribbett - Chasing After You, ran up to the loft, popped the window and caressed awake by the cool wind, gazed in awe of the beauty of creation. One tiny and stunning bird skipped across my roof within my reach as I stood there, didn't know what kind of bird he was but he was super happy. It was actually such a beautiful start to the day.

But now I'm mad tired. Sigh =)